


of cold darkness and burning gold

by whenever_you_are_ready_spock



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spoilers, set after the ending of TROS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:41:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21873130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whenever_you_are_ready_spock/pseuds/whenever_you_are_ready_spock
Summary: SPOILERS FOR TROS! SET AFTER THE ENDING OF TROS!The war is over - but Poe is still fighting. Can Finn help him survive?
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 4
Kudos: 217





	of cold darkness and burning gold

**Author's Note:**

> again, this is set after the ending of TROS, so it contains a few spoilers. Hope you enjoy it, I needed to vent my feelings.

Poe wakes up with a choked off scream on his lips; red lights exploding in front of his vision; black darkness spreading across his brain. His hands are shaking as he pushes himself off from the bed; his lunges trying to suck in the stuffy air of the room.

It’s over.

Poe forces himself to focus; focus on his boots next to the door; his jacket on the hook; his paperwork on the table; Finn next to him.

It’s over.

Poe bends his head back; tries to ease the pain out of his body; the fear our of his bones. He saw them dying; saw them killed in front of his eyes; his friends; his family.

It’s over.

Poe knows that he will not be able to fall asleep again; he slips out of the bed; his skin illuminated by the ashy blue light falling in through the window. Poe cries.

“He slept at the desk again”, Finn mumbles and Rey’s smile falls off her lips and she reaches for Finn’s hand.

“Have you talked to him?”

“No”

“Finn…”

Rey does not accuse him of being a bad friend; does not accuse him of anything at all. But Finn knows best that he should react differently. He knows that he should talk to Poe. Talk to his friend.

“I think he can’t let go”, Finn says then and Rey has a distant look in her eyes.

“I think he needs a while to heal; we all need a while to heal”, Rey mumbles and fastens her grip on Finn’s hand.

“I just don’t know what to do” Finn sighs. Rey leans against his shoulder. They watch the remaining members of the Resistance repairing ships; talking to each other; recovering.

Poe wakes up and his skin is on fire; his hair sticks to his sweaty forehead and he rolls to his side; breathes in hard; breathes out. He chokes on the air; chokes on the memories of his dreams. Finn is awake this time. Finn is reaching over; wrapping his arms around the man next to him.

“I am here”, Finn says, and Poe presses himself against Finn as hard as he can.

“It’s over”, Finn says and Poe nods absentmindedly; his thoughts running away from him; his brain emerging from the darkness which drowns him every time he closes his eyes.

They say like that for a while; Poe staring against the wall; his fingers bruising Finn’s arm as he holds on to him tightly. Finn stares at the back of Poe’s head; watches his eyes shift; watches his chest heave with every breath.

“I am sorry about yesterday”

Finn turns around from where he is switching up a few jackets – he has started to learn how to sow; he wants to help his friends in any way possible.

“Nothing to apologize for”, Finn says and there is a soft smile on his lips.

Poe looks like shit; his face is pale, and his eyes are strangely absent.

“Just… if you ever need to talk…”, Finn starts and Poe nods.

“I know”, he says before he turns around and leaves again.

Finn tosses the jackets away; his mind too occupied with worry.

Poe is crying as Finn wakes up in the night. The pilot is crouched on the floor next to the door; his body shaking violently as he covers his mouth with his hands; trying to force the sobs away.

“Poe”, Finn is up and next to the man in a heartbeat.

“Poe, are you okay?”, he lets his hand rest on Poe’s knees; his body ice cold to the touch.

“Come on; you will catch a cold”, Finn coos as he tries to get Poe to stand up; to shuffle over to the bed.

“I forgot”, Poe chokes out and Finn focuses back to Poe’s face; to the hurt in his eyes; the fear engraved in his features.

“I forgot that she is gone”, he whispers; sending a burning pain down Finn’s memory.

“I went to her quarters; I forgot, Finn. I fucking forgot”, Poe sobs then and buries his face in his arms. He has never looked so small; so fragile.

Finn is frozen for a moment; there was little to no time for a General to take a second for himself during all the chaos of the war ending; the people regrouping; the Resistance reforming. But Poe needs a second; Poe might need more than that.

“I am sorry, Poe”, Finn says; he sits down next to Poe on the floor; lets the pilot lean against him; lets his pain merge with his.

Finn strokes through Poe’s hair; tries desperately not to fall asleep; he wants to be here for the man next to him; wants to comfort him; wants to help him ease the pain away.

Finn wakes up the next morning; there is a blanket thrown over him. Finn’s back hurts from leaning against the wall while sleeping; his muscles ache as he lifts himself up. Poe is gone already; the sun is shining through the window.

Poe’s arm heals slowly and his wound scraps over; the pilot changes his dressing every evening, but he misses most of his check-up appointments. There is much to do; there is too much to do.

“Hey, I know this planet. How about I take over from here”, Finn says as he points down on the papers lying in front of Poe.

Poe looks up to him and there is a small smile on his lips.

“You can help if you want” Poe underlines this by shifting over; making space for Finn to sit next to him.

“Sure”, Finn says; but he hesitates before sitting down, “Maybe you could get us something to eat while I familiarize myself with this”, he says and Poe stares at Finn.

“Let's go after we are finished”, he says and turns back to the papers.

“You have to eat, Poe”

“Don’t tell me what to do”, Poe’s voice is sharp, and it is quiet for a while.

“Sorry”, Poe mumbles but Finn is gone already.

The engine of one of the old speeders explodes the next day; Rose letting the wrench slip from her hands as he looks at it with annoyance.

“You did you best, those things are nasty”, Finn offers and Rose nods.

“Still, we could use every single one of them”

“Don’t worry, Rose”, Finn reassured her, “right, Poe?”

Poe has been standing next to them; working on his X-Wing. But as Finn turns around, he is gone.

“Poe?”, Finn asks, but there is only BB8 next to the ship; the little droid beeping away in worry.

“Where did he go?”, Finn asks and BB8 leads him towards the falcon.

“Poe?”, Finn shouts. No answer.

Finn remembers all their journeys in this ship; lets his hand stroke over the cold metal wall as he starts searching.

“Poe?”, he asks again; Finn does not get an answer but there are sounds coming from the next room.

Finn looks around the corner and his heart swells.

Rey is holding Poe; it is an awkward hug; the two bickering most of the times; but it is a genuine hug; one that forces tears to Finn’s eyes.

Finn is walking over to them; Rey is smiling weakly at him from where she is looking over Poe’s shoulder.

“Poe”, Finn tries again; his voice barely a whisper.

Poe clears his throat before he turns around; Rey’s hand still lying on his arm.

“I.. the sound of the engine”, Poe tries to explain but his eyes are unfocused, and Finn understands immediately. They were soldiers; children of this war; they still are.

“I understand”, Finn says and Poe nods before he reaches for Finn’s hand. It is a weak touch, but after days of pain and anger, Finn takes what he can get.

“I am sorry, Finn”, Poe says eventually. “I am sorry”, he repeats and looks at Rey who offers a warm smile.

“It takes time”. Rey is right.

Finn wakes up in the night again; this time isn’t screaming that wakes him; it's not Poe’s muffled sobs. Poe is pressed against him; the covers overheating them, but Finn could not care less. Poe’s fingers dance across his arm; his chest. Poe’s eyes are closed, and he breathes in Finn. Feels his warmth under his fingertips; his heartbeat.

Finn makes a small sound to tell Poe that he is awake; that he appreciates the shy touches; the feathery strokes.

“I thought I lost you as well. In the battle. I thought I lost you as well”, Poe mumbles and Finn just lies there; imagines Poe next to his lifeless body; his hand cold in Poe’s. He has those exact nightmares; Poe’s dark curls soaked in blood; his eyes lifeless. Finn cannot move; the images spilling over his mind; the possibility of it has been so close to them in the past.

“I love you”, Poe says then and it is so casual; so matter-of-factly so perfect.

Finn turns his head; tries to depict Poe’s face in the near darkness of the room.

“I love you so much, Finn. I would not be here without you. I owe you my life”, Poe says and Finn feels his throat tighten; his eyes burn.

Finn is not able to respond; his lips find Poe’s and he kisses him; kisses him for so long that they both run out of air. There is so much hurt in the kiss; so much pain in their bodies. They cling to each other; they hold each other together.

“I love you”, Finn huffs against Poe’s skin then and Poe smiles; his eyes crinkling; his hands warm where they touch Finn’s body.

“I want you to have this”, Poe says then and he presses something against Finn’s chest. Finn wraps his hand around it; the moonlight making the object gleam in a dim gold.

“Poe”, Finn breathes out; tears rolling silently over his cheeks.

“It would mean a lot if you would wear it”, Poe ads and Finn keeps staring at the chain in his hands; the golden ring; the silver chain; the love that Poe has for it; has for Finn.

“I would love to”

“Thank you”, Poe says and presses his lips against Finn’s.

Poe gets better after that. He still finds it hard to sleep; still flinches at the cutlery falling to the floor; the door closing too loudly. He lets Finn help him with the paperwork; lets Rey help him with fixing the Falcon; lets the doctors check his wounds.

And then there are the moments when the sunlight dances over them; illuminates the ring around Finn’s neck; sets their love aflame; binds them together.

It’s over. 

And with Finn smiling at him, Poe is finally able to really believe it.


End file.
